Lavender (Marriage) Unions

Love stories come in all shapes, sizes, and shades. And sometimes, the most powerful unions aren’t the ones splashed across romantic comedies or featured in fairy tales—but the ones quietly, courageously written by people redefining what partnership means. One such love story has roots in secrecy and survival but is now blossoming in truth and intention. It’s called the Lavender Marriage, and its evolution is nothing short of extraordinary.

So... what is a Lavender Marriage?

The term “Lavender Marriage” originally described a union between a man and a woman—where one or both partners were LGBTQ+—who married not for love or attraction, but for survival, safety, and social acceptance. These marriages offered a kind of shield in a world that wasn’t ready for queer love to live out loud.

The word lavender itself has long been tied to the LGBTQ+ community. It's been a coded color of queerness, resistance, and quiet strength since the early 1900s. Lavender Marriages were born out of necessity, a way to navigate a society that criminalized same-sex love and demanded conformity.

A Glimpse into the Past

Back in the glitzy Golden Age of Hollywood, image was everything. Studios had full control over the stars they managed, and maintaining a picture-perfect public persona often meant hiding your truth. Celebrities like Rock Hudson, Greta Garbo, and Cary Grant were rumored—or confirmed—to have engaged in these strategic unions. In some cases, their agents or publicists orchestrated the entire marriage to preserve their reputations and careers.

But Lavender Marriages weren’t just for Hollywood. All over the world, LGBTQ+ individuals entered into these arrangements to gain access to legal rights, avoid suspicion, or simply survive. In an era when being gay could cost you your job, your family, or your freedom, these marriages offered protection—albeit at a high emotional cost.

A Modern Reawakening

Fast forward to today, and the social landscape looks a lot different. Queer identities are more visible and celebrated than ever before. Same-sex marriage is legal in many countries. The language of love has expanded, and the definitions of partnership are more inclusive than ever.

But the concept of a Lavender Marriage hasn’t disappeared. Instead, it’s been reborn.

Today, some people are choosing similar types of partnerships with full autonomy and purpose. These relationships might not fit the traditional mold of marriage, but they are deeply rooted in connection, commitment, and care. We’re seeing a beautiful rise in what some call queerplatonic partnerships, intentional co-parenting, or platonic life commitments—unions that center emotional intimacy, shared goals, and chosen family over romantic love.

For asexual and aromantic individuals, for example, these marriages offer a way to build a life with someone deeply trusted, even without sexual or romantic attraction. Some LGBTQ+ folks are co-parenting with best friends or marrying for legal or financial benefits, while still honoring their identities and living with pride. Others are embracing these relationships simply because they want to build a life rooted in community, stability, and care—not fairy tale romance.

Redefining Marriage on Your Own Terms

This modern take on Lavender Marriage is really a love letter to autonomy. In these partnerships, couples get to decide what marriage means for them. There’s no script, no expectation, no need to squeeze into a mold that doesn’t fit. It’s all about authenticity.

And when it comes to rituals and ceremonies, the magic is in the personalization. A traditional wedding may not make sense for a platonic or queerplatonic pair—but that doesn’t mean you can’t create something sacred and unforgettable. At The Alter, we specialize in crafting ceremonies that honor all types of unions—from romantic to spiritual to platonic. We’ve seen couples face their guests rather than each other, symbolizing their partnership as a collective experience grounded in community. We've created rituals of release, sound cleansings, moments of pause, and ancestral blessings that reflect the unique energy and purpose behind each union.

What makes these ceremonies powerful isn’t the format—it’s the freedom. The freedom to name your love, shape your story, and celebrate the life you’re building without apology.

Reclaiming Lavender with Love and Light

In the past, Lavender Marriages were about hiding. Today, they’re about reclaiming space. Couples are no longer pretending. They’re intentionally creating bonds that reflect who they are and how they want to show up in the world. Whether you’re committing to a best friend, a co-parent, a soul sibling, or a life partner in a non-traditional way, the beauty of a Lavender-style marriage lies in its honesty. It’s not about meeting anyone else’s expectations. It’s about defining your version of love, support, and sacred union. And guess what? That’s worth celebrating.

At The Alter, we believe every kind of love story deserves ceremony. Whether it’s steeped in romance or rooted in resilience, we’re here to help you create a moment that feels true to who you are and what you share.

Ready to Celebrate Your Truth?

If you're dreaming of a wedding or partnership ceremony that reflects your unique connection—whether romantic, platonic, queer, or all of the above—we’d love to hear your story.

Let’s build something beautiful together.